Coming Out of the Closet

I think it is time for me to come out of the closet.  I did once before, when I went to college.  I figured I must be gay since I didn't want to get married or have kids or date all the jerky guys I met.  I told my mom, and best friends, and joined groups.  Only trouble?  I'm not gay, so the whole lesbian thing was a total bust.  But at least I had the courage of my convictions, for as long as I had those convictions.

So I think it's time to emerge from the shadows again, and lay claim to what I know is true about myself ~ that I am, as the dictionary defines it, clairvoyant.

Clairvoyance

1 : the power or faculty of discerning objects not present to the senses
2 : ability to perceive matters beyond the range of ordinary perception

I want to speak from the truest sort of knowing that I can, from the truth of my perception and understanding, and whatever wisdom comes with it.  I want to be honest about what I know and how.  I want to be able to say that what I know and remember and care about is the energy of the soul, and the rest just sort of floats around, sometimes attaching itself to memory, and often not at all, and that it doesn't really matter.

I want to tell about the transformative nature of G*d's love, and how sitting with Him in deep and sweet and powerful silence is better than anything any human being can offer me, though I do also appreciate the company of human beings in their own right.  I want to share the experience of meditation/raja yoga, without having to teach someone else's dogma and disciplines and institutionalized spirituality.

And maybe writing this down, thinking it aloud, will bring it to fruition.  Maybe G*d's been waiting on me to say 'yes'.  He usually does.  He's so patient that way - waiting for me to say yes, waiting for me to notice that He's waiting.  And then He's right there, ready whenever I am.