I'm an observer. I watch people and keep an eye on what's happening around me, noticing all sorts of details and nuances and energies floating around, trying to get a handle on what I'm dealing with, knowing that the obvious is often the least interesting thing going on.
It doesn't happen on purpose. It's just how I take in information, how I understand the world and the people in it. I'm not suspicious exactly, just not very trusting of what I see on the surface. And like a dog with an extra sense of smell, I sniff out what's underneath the interaction, the exchanges, the conversations.
And like a dog who will sniff away at something invisible to humans, I see the invisible energy passing through people, between people, within people. Which sometimes makes it hard for me to pay attention to the obvious stuff - to the words and the stories that are supposed to tell me who someone is. But I can see it anyway.
I know what I can trust and I know what makes sense or doesn't, and I can see if someone's heart is true or their mind is clear. And when I can't, I just keep watching, waiting for the way into greater understanding. It doesn't always come. And when it doesn't, I know enough to leave things alone, not try too hard, to not push where I don't belong.
Which is why I'm not an easy socializer, someone who just likes to hang out with a bunch of folks, swapping stories and shooting the breeze. Because there's so much more grabbing my attention, pulling me into the invisible reality that never goes away. And I don't need distraction from it. I'm the fascinated scientist wanting to explore and experiment.
I wish it were a little easier for me to just relax around people, but full on is really the only way I know. I want to be present - fully present - when I'm present. And then back to myself when I'm not. To refresh and restore and rebuild and refresh. So I'm ready for the next time.
It doesn't happen on purpose. It's just how I take in information, how I understand the world and the people in it. I'm not suspicious exactly, just not very trusting of what I see on the surface. And like a dog with an extra sense of smell, I sniff out what's underneath the interaction, the exchanges, the conversations.
And like a dog who will sniff away at something invisible to humans, I see the invisible energy passing through people, between people, within people. Which sometimes makes it hard for me to pay attention to the obvious stuff - to the words and the stories that are supposed to tell me who someone is. But I can see it anyway.
I know what I can trust and I know what makes sense or doesn't, and I can see if someone's heart is true or their mind is clear. And when I can't, I just keep watching, waiting for the way into greater understanding. It doesn't always come. And when it doesn't, I know enough to leave things alone, not try too hard, to not push where I don't belong.
Which is why I'm not an easy socializer, someone who just likes to hang out with a bunch of folks, swapping stories and shooting the breeze. Because there's so much more grabbing my attention, pulling me into the invisible reality that never goes away. And I don't need distraction from it. I'm the fascinated scientist wanting to explore and experiment.
I wish it were a little easier for me to just relax around people, but full on is really the only way I know. I want to be present - fully present - when I'm present. And then back to myself when I'm not. To refresh and restore and rebuild and refresh. So I'm ready for the next time.
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