Sunday, September 30, 2007

Journey (Not the Band)

I embarked on this new journey many months ago now. And it has been absolute upheaval since then, but of the most necessary kind. I've given up almost everything but my kitty, who has kept me good company on every part of this journey. Her furry blackness is always a comfort.

I am waiting to sail into the place in my self and in the world where everything finally makes sense. Where I finally feel at home. Where I finally understand my place and where I belong. Where I finally feel fully connected.

I have striven to be an expert, offering my experience and understanding to help others with those very same questions and issues, but I have so little to really offer. I know a lot. I've experimented with a lot. But I don't know the answers for myself - how can I really offer this stuff up from the deepest kind of knowing.

I can't. I can ask questions, offer insights, free up someone's thinking, but I'm not an expert. There's so much I don't know, and so many answers I don't have. And there's no relief greater than admitting to that.

I don't know what folks should be doing with their lives. We can never go wrong being kinder, more loving, more curious, more genuine. But I don't have answers to problems or solutions to issues. I just know how to dig and dig and dig to get to something more true within myself.

It's only one skill, but a fairly useful one. Requires a lot of stamina. A LOT!

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