Friday, June 6, 2008

A Gem

I'm just waiting and waiting and waiting for change to come, and now that Mercury is retrograde for a little while, I'd be amazed if anything will change. Unless Mercury is helping to set things in a new motion, a new direction. Which is always possible.

Otherwise, a fixed Venus at the apex of one's T-square (astrology speak, I know) means that I don't move quickly in relationship matters. I would say I move glacially slow, except that now, with global warming, the glaciers are moving more quickly than I.

And I must apologize, 'cause I've foisted the blame for the slowness on another, not seeing my own hesitation as the energy that blocks movement. I've thought I was the one wanting to move ahead, and that I was being thwarted in my natural rhythm. But more accurately, I was wanting to move so slowly that it felt like no movement at all.

It's very tricky to recognize in yourself what you've conveniently blamed another for. But seeing it, seeing your own limitations, is another kind of jeevanmukti - liberation. I figured I'd have no access to the grace of humility - the wisdom of knowing who you are and who you are not - if I didn't acknowledge my responsibility in my own life.

So, much to my relief, I am owning it. I don't know what'll happen in terms of relationship, but I know what is happening for me, and there's no downside to that. There's no downside to bringing different aspects of yourself together in one sparkling, glittering, gorgeous multi-faceted gem of a person.

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