And after getting my bearings, I decided to do what I almost never do, and that is to see if there wasn't some way to figure it all out and make it work. Before, I'd either commit to something on the basis of pure faith, certain that it would work because it had to work. Or I'd head in another direction, certain it wouldn't work because it didn't work.
But this has been completely different. And I think this is part of what happens maybe when you grow up a bit and stop defending your rightness as your most valuable asset. What happened was that I explained myself and my concerns and talked the situation through carefully and thoughtfully, and decided that staying might be very interesting.
That staying would require an level of engagement and cooperation and openness that I have never freely offered to anyone or anything here on planet earth, but that would be the perfect kind of challenge and opportunity that I needed. It would require that I get involved and pay attention and actually listen to others and give value to what they had to say. And that in doing so, I could make things better for everyone right where I was, instead of making things better for myself by leaving.
So I didn't decide to stay because my situation is perfect. I decided to stay because it's my situation and I'm excited about what I'm learning by staying in the middle of it. I'm learning how to use my words to say what I mean and mean what I say, and then stop talking and get to back to doing and being.