And yet I have spent years reaching up, trying to free myself from the bonds of earthly, human life, hoping to liberate myself of the ordinariness of daily living and the trappings of my body, and its needs and requirements and all the ways I have to take care of it. And most importantly, wanting to be free of the dependencies that creates on others. I have hoped my spiritual effort would be enough to elevate me beyond such things, connecting me instead to the Divine, the non-physical, the purely eternal.
But recently, very recently actually, something slipped inside and turned around when I wasn't paying a lot of attention, and suddenly I like the whole aspect of this earthiness, of being bound to the earth, being a part of this planet, this family of humanity. It can be a messy business, but I'm not sure what else exactly I should be doing instead.
Maybe if I stop trying to escape the inevitable reality of human nature, I can be useful in ways that I've avoided before. I can dive in and have a voice and make a difference. And I can find places where I belong and people with whom I belong, and let others know they have a place too.
I'm not sure how this happened. But I want to dig my toes into the earth, wiggle them around, claim some land as being mine, not just keep waiting for it all end so I can be done thinking about it. My absolute certainty about my future is gone, but the possibilities in its place feel like they've actually got room for all of me.