Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Certainty

I was eager to explore when I was younger, always excited at the horizon rising up to greet me, revealing hidden worlds.

And then I shrouded myself in certainty, content with absolute Truth, comforted that I finally knew and understood, and more than willing to put away whatever didn't conform.  The Truth contained within it intimacy and ecstasy and I knew I needed nothing beyond that.

But more and more as time wore on, the shroud that had been a comfort, felt like a death wrap, like protection between the world and me, but also like the clothing of death.  And in a way it was.  The clothing of spiritual death, of dying alive.

These days, I don't want death, not even symbolic death.  I want life.  Not safe.  Not secure.  Not shrouded.  Not certain.  Not easy.  Not detached.  Not always perfect.  Just life.


2 comments:

Wanderlust said...

Amen sister. Give me pure, unadulterated, messy, unpredictable, unfathomable life.

Celeste said...

I'm a little concerned, but also excited, KB. It's been a long, long, long time sine I accepted that I might not have learned everything I needed to know.