Wednesday, November 15, 2006

What Really Matters

I have done so much through the sheer force of my own will. I don’t know how much I’ve accomplished, but what I’ve gotten done has mostly been that way. And while it seems I’m capable of doing this, it’s always been at a great expense. It’s been at the expense really of my own peace of mind. I think I’ve been going at things this way for a loooong time, but there’s certainly a cycle of this that began again in earnest in 1998.

The sheer force of my own will as a way of moving forward feels pretty lonely and isolating, mostly ‘cause it is. It excludes any kind of partnership opportunities because it requires so much focus, and anyone else’s involvement feels like a distraction. And other people have their own ideas about things, and they want their ideas heard and recognized and acknowledged, and in the midst of trying to keep my thoughts straight, that’s a huge irritant. Because all my energy is going in one direction and I don’t want to get pulled into other things.

But I’m noticing lately how much better I am at simple. And how much better I am when I’m relaxing into myself, instead of trying to exert some force on the things around me. And how much more power there is in a few well-timed thoughts or words or actions than all the force of my will. When I’m stable deep inside a place of comfort and contentment, I’m so much more efficient. I get more done with so much less effort, and I’m so much less concerned about getting ‘things’ done to begin with.

And interacting with other people is less an irritant than an opportunity. And I’ve noticed some of those people have turned out to be pretty magnificent additions in my life ~ pretty spectacular folks to have around. So I don’t want to go back to the place where I’m brittle and busy and certain about every single thing if it’s at the expense of relationships.

It’s feels wonderful to be making space for what really matters.

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