Tuesday, April 10, 2007


I got chills, they're multiplyin', and I'm losin' control
Cause the power you're supplyin', it's electrifyin'

"You're the One That I Want" (Grease soundtrack)

I know that feeling - electrifying. It's the feeling that has always got my attention when nothing else did. It's the feeling that makes me pay attention when I am otherwise completely indifferent. The upside is the powerful, electrifying sense of being completely alive, plugged into an energy so enlivening that you don't want to step away from it for a moment.

The downside is what happens when you've been electrified. The downside is the emotional overload, the confusion, the overwhelmed senses, the emotional chaos, the feeling out of control, the losing yourself, the fast-beating heart, the sleeplessness, the distraction...

The only kind of love that I've noticed is the kind that's been electrifying. It's gotten my attention by spinning my head around and making everything else disappear. But if you've been on the receiving end of anything actually electrifying, you know how uncomfortable, even painful, the shock of it can be.

Electrifying doesn't feel very good. Maybe the initial jolt of energy brings you back to life, but after that? It just doesn't feel very good. I'm finding room inside myself, quite literally, for what feels good. Making room energetically for comfort and belonging and happiness and love and acceptance and easiness. I don't know that electrifying has a place anymore. It's caused too much pain, too much dis-ease, too much chaos, and I don't have room for that anymore.

No comments: