I feel bad at the moment ~ very bad. My head feels like it's going to explode, and nothing else feels right either. My heart hurts in every way it can, and I'm exhausted. So I just feel bad. Which is the very understandable accumulation of trying to accommodate feeling bad about so many things in so many ways for so long, and just having no more capacity for it.
I cannot handle any more stress, any more tension, any more confusion. I have reached the end of being able to do it. I have made myself as big as I can, trying to create enough space for everything, but there isn't any space for any of it. I am at absolute zero.
I'm not going to try to think my way through any of this. I'm not going to try to make sense of how I got here and why. I am here, and if there's a next step, and will figure it out as I go. What I know is how I feel, and that's what I've ignored more than anything. So for now, I'm just going to pay attention to how I feel and what I want to do with that, and not another thing else.
Who Is Writing This Blog?
- Celeste
- Kansas City, United States
- Why The Lazy Radical? It's always my intention to do something amazing to help change the world, and then an episode of Arrested Development comes on, and I get totally sidetracked! I think I'm like a lot of people, moved by the sorrow and outrage in our world, but it's easy to get sidetracked by the ordinariness of daily life. My place of action, my sphere of influence, is the spiritual. For some it's politics or business. For me, it's always been rooted in the concept that relationship with G*d fills us with spiritual power, and that power is what we can bring into the world to effect change. I've been practicing and teaching meditation for the past 30 years. And what I've learned through all of is that the spiritual journey requires real honesty, the willingness to confront every aspect of the self, and the courage to move forward into change. It's not enough to have good ideas or read good books or listen to good teachers. A spiritual orientation requires the practitioner to show up as fully as possible in every aspect of life, even (or especially) when there's discomfort or uncertainty. Spiritual practice isn't the art of perfection; it's the art of presence.
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