I've never particularly had a dream about anything I wanted to do nearly so much as dreams about the person I might become. And it has been my great, great fortune to be surrounded by those who not only see the possibility in me, but are as interested in and committed to finding a way to let that emerge as I am.
To be in the company of those who deal in possibility and potential, who understand the things that are subtle and invisible but as real as the ground we step on...these are the people who allow change, who encourage change, who welcome change. There are 10,000 very good reasons to be afraid. If you ever need a reason not to move forward, not to change, not to try, there are so many good reasons.
But the freedom, the exhilaration, the absolute liberation of doing what's in your heart obliterates all of those things. Fulfilling one's potential isn't about quantifiable outcomes. It's about filling yourself and filling your life with all the qualities in your heart and mind that need expression. It's about being loving, not because you've found someone worthy to love, but because you are full of love and it needs to be shared.
Being the best person you can be doesn't happen when you decide others are worthy of you that way. It happens when you realize you don't want to hold back anymore, and that you simply feel so good being that best person. And then you see how that actually uplifts and elevates everyone around you anyway. That in some way they were waiting for you to step up and be that person, and mirror back to them all the possibility in the world.
Real creativity is required in this. So many old ways of doing and being have failed us miserably. The ways we've expressed ourselves have caused us more sorrow than joy and depleted us instead of strengthened us. So finding a new and meaningful way to be our best requires real thoughfulness, engagement, creativity and attention. It won't just magically happen 'cause I wish it to be so. I am not just suddenly someone new because I whisper some affirmations to myself.
A few things help tremendously. Surrounding yourself with others who are as committed and steadfast in moving forward makes a huge difference. The support and structure this kind of friendship provides cannot be overestimated. And making room for the pure transformative love of G*d heals the heart and soul. When the deep wounds start to heal, when the broken heart starts to mend, then potential has a safe home inside the self.
I don't think this kind of change can happen in a vacuum. I tried that for a long time, but the energy required is immense and almost impossible to sustain alone. And even connection with G*d, while the root of all of it, isn't enough. Because relationship is the place where all this plays out...at least in my life. And I need the help and good wishes of others. When relationships are good, they are the greatest joy in life. So I'm keeping the company of those who recognize the greatness within, in themselves and in me, and I'm better for it.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
The Power of Presence
I live in a major metropolitan area, and on my walk to work every day, I run across more homeless folks than you might imagine would inhabit these few blocks. My neighborhood is an area that is full of rush-hour commuters, so the homeless tend to drift this way, knowing that there are many sympathetic suburbanites commuting into the city who cannot resist the sad faces and outstretched hands. A woman I work with was wracked with guilt about passing the homeless by without giving them anything, but she didn't want to give money. She decided granola bars were a good answer. She felt she was giving them something they really needed, but could not be mis-used. She keeps granola bars in her purse now all the time.
Being confronted with the unresolvable sorrow of humanity in very small and very personal ways on a daily basis requires one to do some soul searching. Do I ignore these people? Do I acknowledge them? If so, in what way? Can I help? Can I help in a way that doesn't further the sorrow? Can I make a real difference? Can I change the world so that the problem isn't a problem any more? Is it my problem?
I don't know anyone who doesn't have to give these questions some thought. I never give money; to me money is a resource, and I bear the responsibility if it's misused. So, sometimes I give someone food. But mostly I try to offer what I try to offer anyone...the recognition and acknowledgement of their essential dignity and humanity.
I try not to ignore and look away. There is a man outside Walgreens on the corner of Adams and Wells every day, and I always give him a smile and a cheery good morning. It happened by accident when our eyes first met, and he seemed shocked that I didn't look away, but it was all I could offer. A sincere hello. Another human being admitting that he exists and walks fully among us. That he's not invisible. That we live in different worlds, but are part of this same human family.
I was crossing the street one day, and there was a frail old woman clinging to a lampost. She was obviously distressed and confused, and no one seemed to notice including the traffic cop. I slowed down, and she turned and asked me if I would help her across the streeet. To which I did. She took my arm, hobbled across the street slowly, and when we reached the next corner she let go and walked off, balancing herself against a building. She didn't say a word to me, but I thought how lucky I was to be someone whose simple presence could make a difference.
And that experience has stayed with me and crosses my mind every time I see these folks on the street. Some are scary, some sad, some smelly, some desperate, some dishonest in their begging, some hopeless. I think about my response to them frequently, and can only be someone who stays present ~ who doesn't need to disappear into political rhetoric or economic philosophies about what creates such need, but recognizes another soul sharing this planet with me.
Being confronted with the unresolvable sorrow of humanity in very small and very personal ways on a daily basis requires one to do some soul searching. Do I ignore these people? Do I acknowledge them? If so, in what way? Can I help? Can I help in a way that doesn't further the sorrow? Can I make a real difference? Can I change the world so that the problem isn't a problem any more? Is it my problem?
I don't know anyone who doesn't have to give these questions some thought. I never give money; to me money is a resource, and I bear the responsibility if it's misused. So, sometimes I give someone food. But mostly I try to offer what I try to offer anyone...the recognition and acknowledgement of their essential dignity and humanity.
I try not to ignore and look away. There is a man outside Walgreens on the corner of Adams and Wells every day, and I always give him a smile and a cheery good morning. It happened by accident when our eyes first met, and he seemed shocked that I didn't look away, but it was all I could offer. A sincere hello. Another human being admitting that he exists and walks fully among us. That he's not invisible. That we live in different worlds, but are part of this same human family.
I was crossing the street one day, and there was a frail old woman clinging to a lampost. She was obviously distressed and confused, and no one seemed to notice including the traffic cop. I slowed down, and she turned and asked me if I would help her across the streeet. To which I did. She took my arm, hobbled across the street slowly, and when we reached the next corner she let go and walked off, balancing herself against a building. She didn't say a word to me, but I thought how lucky I was to be someone whose simple presence could make a difference.
And that experience has stayed with me and crosses my mind every time I see these folks on the street. Some are scary, some sad, some smelly, some desperate, some dishonest in their begging, some hopeless. I think about my response to them frequently, and can only be someone who stays present ~ who doesn't need to disappear into political rhetoric or economic philosophies about what creates such need, but recognizes another soul sharing this planet with me.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Gratitude
Lester Burnham: I had always heard your entire life flashes in front of your eyes the second before you die. First of all, that one second isn't a second at all, it stretches on forever, like an ocean of time... For me, it was lying on my back at Boy Scout camp, watching falling stars... And yellow leaves, from the maple trees, that lined my street... Or my grandmother's hands, and the way her skin seemed like paper... And the first time I saw my cousin Tony's brand new Firebird... And Janie... And Janie... And... Carolyn. I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. But don't worry... you will someday.
American Beauty (1999)
The minute I try to hold onto anything, it takes up residence inside me. On one hand it creates a certain kind of fullness, but on the other hand, it creates a certain kind of heaviness. I think I'm needing to stay light and flexible, not giving anything a permanent home inside me but lightness itself.
American Beauty (1999)
The minute I try to hold onto anything, it takes up residence inside me. On one hand it creates a certain kind of fullness, but on the other hand, it creates a certain kind of heaviness. I think I'm needing to stay light and flexible, not giving anything a permanent home inside me but lightness itself.
Jenga
There are some things so deeply buried within that simply acknowledging their presence is shocking, especially when it's someone else doing the noticing. Do you know the game Jenga? Basically you have little wooden blocks that different players stack one upon the next, trying to build the tower higher and higher without it toppling. In the game of life, much like Jenga, one well-asked question can topple years of structures built upon a persepctive that you convinced yourself was one thing, but seen through the eyes of another becomes something else entirely.
Some of the blocks I've built upon have come tumbling down recently, and I don't know how to re-build any of that. They've fallen with a simple word, a well-placed pause, a loving question, a sincere concern. Whatever was there isn't necessary any more anyway. I don't yet quite know how to talk about my experiences. I don't know how to speak my way out of the places I've been stuck, although maybe for the first time it's not just reluctance or fear on my part. Maybe that feeling that my breath has been pulled from my lungs and my eyes fill with tears and I can hardly speak - maybe it's fear. But maybe also it's relief. Maybe also it's life flowing back into me. Maybe it's all of this and more.
But one thing I do know for certain - it's good not to be alone in this. And I'm not saying 'no' this time, to any of it.
Getting Caught
I've never worried about getting older, he said. I've been too busy worrying about getting caught.
~ Brian Andreas ~
On some level, for all my independence, I always wonder if I'm just moments away from getting caught. I don't know what it is that I'm getting away with, or what it is that I'll get caught doing, but it's always there, at least a little bit.
I've stood apart from and against so much, defining myself in many ways by what I'm not (although I'm no obvious rebel). It's time to start identifying with what I am more. I want to move to transparency. It's a great idea, that nothing is hidden, that total honesty is possible, that opennes is not a threat to me or anyone else. And I'm so much closer to that than I've been.
I've been the most opaque of individuals on some levels, even to myself. From a distance perhaps I've been crisp and clear, but get closer and lines blur and everything gets a little fuzzy, and what you thought you'd find turns out to be a bit different. Which I'm quite comfortable with. But maybe it's time to try some transparency. The little I've experiemented with so far is marvelous, but I don't know if that's really me making it so.
Could just be the generosity and cleanliness and openness of someone else making it that way for me. And transparency is a huge relief. I had no idea how much I constantly conceal, until I stopped doing it, even just for hours or moments at a time. And I'm so grateful to have discovered this - to have a place and space to try it out. At the moment, I can think of few gifts greater than this that has been offered me.And it's worth investigating further for sure.
There is a seismic change occuring, so I don't think this is a time for securing permanent solutions. It's more a time for learning to surf - learning to catch every wave that comes, ride it for what's it's worth, and be ready for the next one. For a surfer, every storm, no matter how big, is just another opportunity.
~ Brian Andreas ~
On some level, for all my independence, I always wonder if I'm just moments away from getting caught. I don't know what it is that I'm getting away with, or what it is that I'll get caught doing, but it's always there, at least a little bit.
I've stood apart from and against so much, defining myself in many ways by what I'm not (although I'm no obvious rebel). It's time to start identifying with what I am more. I want to move to transparency. It's a great idea, that nothing is hidden, that total honesty is possible, that opennes is not a threat to me or anyone else. And I'm so much closer to that than I've been.
I've been the most opaque of individuals on some levels, even to myself. From a distance perhaps I've been crisp and clear, but get closer and lines blur and everything gets a little fuzzy, and what you thought you'd find turns out to be a bit different. Which I'm quite comfortable with. But maybe it's time to try some transparency. The little I've experiemented with so far is marvelous, but I don't know if that's really me making it so.
Could just be the generosity and cleanliness and openness of someone else making it that way for me. And transparency is a huge relief. I had no idea how much I constantly conceal, until I stopped doing it, even just for hours or moments at a time. And I'm so grateful to have discovered this - to have a place and space to try it out. At the moment, I can think of few gifts greater than this that has been offered me.And it's worth investigating further for sure.
There is a seismic change occuring, so I don't think this is a time for securing permanent solutions. It's more a time for learning to surf - learning to catch every wave that comes, ride it for what's it's worth, and be ready for the next one. For a surfer, every storm, no matter how big, is just another opportunity.
Free Your Mind
Morpheus: I'm trying to free your mind, Neo. But I can only show you the door. You're the one that has to walk through it.
The Matrix (1999)
I chafe at having to become a "role". I don't really like titles or particular expectations of folks needing me to be/do certain things. I'm more stubborn than is obvious on the surface of things, and have an amazing capacity for digging in my heels and becoming completely unmovable. I don't say this with pride or as a challenge - just an observation about myself. I have walked away from more opportunities than many people ever get in the name of freedom.
Every time I've tried to assume a particlar role, in any part of my life, I've felt stifled and suffocated and resentful and just all twisted up, trying to figure out how to get out of what I've agreed to. I think this is part of the reason wife and mother and all those other titles could never work for me. I cannot bear the weight of what those mean.
I am amazed at who I can be when I have no opposition against which to set myself. In the company of those who are curious and open and adventurous, so much of my own stubborness disappears. Instead, there is enthusiasm and spontaneity and a great sense of fun.
I'm not going back to boxes, trying to make myself fit somewhere by cutting off or cutting out elements of myself to suit another, or even my own sense of who I should be. This life is very short, and no one with whom I want to associate will ask me to do that. With a Taurus Moon, every bit of discomfort I experience plays itself out in my body. I refuse to impose that violence on myself anymore.
The Matrix (1999)
I chafe at having to become a "role". I don't really like titles or particular expectations of folks needing me to be/do certain things. I'm more stubborn than is obvious on the surface of things, and have an amazing capacity for digging in my heels and becoming completely unmovable. I don't say this with pride or as a challenge - just an observation about myself. I have walked away from more opportunities than many people ever get in the name of freedom.
Every time I've tried to assume a particlar role, in any part of my life, I've felt stifled and suffocated and resentful and just all twisted up, trying to figure out how to get out of what I've agreed to. I think this is part of the reason wife and mother and all those other titles could never work for me. I cannot bear the weight of what those mean.
I am amazed at who I can be when I have no opposition against which to set myself. In the company of those who are curious and open and adventurous, so much of my own stubborness disappears. Instead, there is enthusiasm and spontaneity and a great sense of fun.
I'm not going back to boxes, trying to make myself fit somewhere by cutting off or cutting out elements of myself to suit another, or even my own sense of who I should be. This life is very short, and no one with whom I want to associate will ask me to do that. With a Taurus Moon, every bit of discomfort I experience plays itself out in my body. I refuse to impose that violence on myself anymore.
Simplicity
Act without doing;
work without effort.
Think of the small as large
and the few as many.
Confront the difficult
while it is still easy;
accomplish the great task
by a series of small acts.
The Master never reaches for the great;
thus she achieves greatness.
When she runs into a difficulty,
she stops and gives herself to it.
She doesn't cling to her own comfort;
thus problems are no problem for her.
Tao Te Ching (Chapter 63; Stephen Mitchetll Translation)
I like to remind myself of simplicity whenever I can. Whenever I'm tempted to step in the middle of confusion or uncertainty, I like to remind myself of the clarity of simplicity. Start small, where I am, where I can, and move forward simply, easily, with my whole heart.
I don't have to know the outcome of every journey before I start - that just makes the journey another task I have to accomplish, and hardens my heart into brittleness 'cause I get too certain of things that probably aren't true or right or useful.
I much prefer the ease of moving like a river along its banks, re-adjusting, altering the course along the way, speeding up and slowing down, but staying true to the forward movement of this journey.
work without effort.
Think of the small as large
and the few as many.
Confront the difficult
while it is still easy;
accomplish the great task
by a series of small acts.
The Master never reaches for the great;
thus she achieves greatness.
When she runs into a difficulty,
she stops and gives herself to it.
She doesn't cling to her own comfort;
thus problems are no problem for her.
Tao Te Ching (Chapter 63; Stephen Mitchetll Translation)
I like to remind myself of simplicity whenever I can. Whenever I'm tempted to step in the middle of confusion or uncertainty, I like to remind myself of the clarity of simplicity. Start small, where I am, where I can, and move forward simply, easily, with my whole heart.
I don't have to know the outcome of every journey before I start - that just makes the journey another task I have to accomplish, and hardens my heart into brittleness 'cause I get too certain of things that probably aren't true or right or useful.
I much prefer the ease of moving like a river along its banks, re-adjusting, altering the course along the way, speeding up and slowing down, but staying true to the forward movement of this journey.
Belief
I don't believe in G*d any more than I 'believe' in gravity or cats or traffic lights. There are things I know because of the reality of them in my life, and that is the case here. This relationship I have with G*d doesn't require belief and I don't know that it even requires faith, but it absolutely requires experience.
I don't need religion or dogma or scriptures or clergy to feel the the depth of this love I've barely begun to touch, or to see how it transforms me.
I don't need religion or dogma or scriptures or clergy to feel the the depth of this love I've barely begun to touch, or to see how it transforms me.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Petrified
There has quite literally been a knot of pain residing deep within my body, reflecting pain that exists on other levels of spirit and emotion. And it has contained within it the petrified remains of being petrified. It's amazing how accurate a reflection of spirit the body can be. That knot has been a protection and a barrier, entombing in itself a destructive force that had no resolution and no outlet.
But the knot is unraveling. The waters of love have washed over it time and again, softening all the individual strands that make up this big knot. They are softening and separating; it is breaking up into easily digested and discarded pieces. The need it served is disappearing quickly, although it's taken a long, long time to arrive at this moment. I can feel the strands separating and dissapating, and I can feel each bit of that old pain as it leaves. I can feel it physically and emotionally and spiritually. But I know this is a good-bye, and so I have more patience with it.
And the only thing that seems to be taking its place is a kind of quiet contentment making way for joy.
But the knot is unraveling. The waters of love have washed over it time and again, softening all the individual strands that make up this big knot. They are softening and separating; it is breaking up into easily digested and discarded pieces. The need it served is disappearing quickly, although it's taken a long, long time to arrive at this moment. I can feel the strands separating and dissapating, and I can feel each bit of that old pain as it leaves. I can feel it physically and emotionally and spiritually. But I know this is a good-bye, and so I have more patience with it.
And the only thing that seems to be taking its place is a kind of quiet contentment making way for joy.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Addiction
I'm not any kind of expert at dealing with addiction. But I think changing habits must be a similar thing, when there's some kind of addiction of the mind ~ of the heart. When a habit is so deeply ingrained that you can hardly remember yourself as separate from it, transformation requires that level of attention.
I'm thinking it requires staying absolutely present with yourself. Keeing constant company with your own thoughts so that they don't drag back into old habit - staying awake and alert to every nuance of what's happening, to see triggers and patterns. Exhausting and consuming work really, but a requirement for laying the foundation of something new. And it requires attention to detail on a miniscule level.
In Boston, the major highway system was replaced by tunnels that run under the Boston Bay Harbor. This project was called the Big Dig, and began in 1991, and was just completed a couple of years ago. The new tunnel system has been beset by problems ranging from inferior grade cement to actual leaks in the tunnel. Sadly, the other day, a tie back holding huge concrete slabs broke, and a woman was killed in her car in the tunnel. The level of bad work gets scarier and scarier to Bostonians who ride these tunnels everyday and depend on them. This death is being treated as a crime.
I mention this just to say that when the care and quality of work at the foundation is ignored, everything built on it is compromised. So in trying to change a habit - overcome a mental addiction of sorts - nothing can be ignored, overlooked or disregarded. Attention must be paid to every detail to ensure that the result will be congruent with the foundation, with the intention, with the destination.
There are no big leaps with this kind of change. The progress moves forward in teeny tiny increments, leaving one small thing behind as the head and heart and hands grasp onto something new. Grand proclamations of change are meaningless against the backdrop of ordinary life, where the tests emerge again and again. And the tests are not designed so that you fail. They are just there to show you where more work is needed, where there is skill and strength, and where additional effort is required.
And if you're serious about this change, then you welcome the tests and every bit if understanding they illuminate for you. Because you're not doing this to prove something to someone else. You're really learning about the self and a certain kind of mastery that requires absolute truth and awareness.
I'm thinking it requires staying absolutely present with yourself. Keeing constant company with your own thoughts so that they don't drag back into old habit - staying awake and alert to every nuance of what's happening, to see triggers and patterns. Exhausting and consuming work really, but a requirement for laying the foundation of something new. And it requires attention to detail on a miniscule level.
In Boston, the major highway system was replaced by tunnels that run under the Boston Bay Harbor. This project was called the Big Dig, and began in 1991, and was just completed a couple of years ago. The new tunnel system has been beset by problems ranging from inferior grade cement to actual leaks in the tunnel. Sadly, the other day, a tie back holding huge concrete slabs broke, and a woman was killed in her car in the tunnel. The level of bad work gets scarier and scarier to Bostonians who ride these tunnels everyday and depend on them. This death is being treated as a crime.
I mention this just to say that when the care and quality of work at the foundation is ignored, everything built on it is compromised. So in trying to change a habit - overcome a mental addiction of sorts - nothing can be ignored, overlooked or disregarded. Attention must be paid to every detail to ensure that the result will be congruent with the foundation, with the intention, with the destination.
There are no big leaps with this kind of change. The progress moves forward in teeny tiny increments, leaving one small thing behind as the head and heart and hands grasp onto something new. Grand proclamations of change are meaningless against the backdrop of ordinary life, where the tests emerge again and again. And the tests are not designed so that you fail. They are just there to show you where more work is needed, where there is skill and strength, and where additional effort is required.
And if you're serious about this change, then you welcome the tests and every bit if understanding they illuminate for you. Because you're not doing this to prove something to someone else. You're really learning about the self and a certain kind of mastery that requires absolute truth and awareness.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Karma Continued..
I think what I left out in my earlier post is love. How important it is to bring love into all of this. Action for the right reason without the energy of love behind it stops being right action. It may look 'right' but it won't nurture anyone, and the return of it won't nurture the self. Force, discipline, obligation, morality don't work here.
For real transformation to occur...for our actions to change, and the return of them to be different, and then our fortune and so our future...this requires love. Not anything that you can fake either. The absolute requirement of the soul is for love to fill us and to spill into our relationships. And where that's missing, there is always sorrow as the end result. Always.
Love that nurtures and feeds one at the expense of another is not true love. It may be romantic love or desire or need, but it is not true love. True love elevates everyone and everything it touches. It's easy to see. It's the easiest thing to see and feel and recognize.
For real transformation to occur...for our actions to change, and the return of them to be different, and then our fortune and so our future...this requires love. Not anything that you can fake either. The absolute requirement of the soul is for love to fill us and to spill into our relationships. And where that's missing, there is always sorrow as the end result. Always.
Love that nurtures and feeds one at the expense of another is not true love. It may be romantic love or desire or need, but it is not true love. True love elevates everyone and everything it touches. It's easy to see. It's the easiest thing to see and feel and recognize.
Karma
I am not one of the people that make things happen exactly...I am someone who enables others to make things happen. I understand energy more than personal dynamics. And one of the fundamental principles of energy is the Law of Karma, the Law of Action - the Law of Action and Reaction.
Karma is a simple energetic, basically scientific, principle and it says that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction (also Newton's Third Law of Motion). Meaning that whatever you do, it comes back to you. The final responsibility of whatever happens in our lives falls back to us. However tempting it is to find blame or fault anywhere else - in others, in circumstances, in whatever. So there's no room for blame - just for acknowldedgement and potential change.
And each of us has that same responsibility. We don't get to use understanding as a weapon against another - to say that someone is suffering because of their own actions. We are all suffering from the same kinds of sorrow, and in understanding how we add to each other's burdens we can maybe stop hurting ourselves and each other. Thinking that the sorrow exists only in another, or that it's someone else's weakness and not mine creates a completely artificial sense of protection and security. We aren't safe from pain because someone else is carrying that burden more obviously than us.
Our protection is our own virtue, our own integrity, our own choice to do the right thing, to be the right person, to live the right way. And we do know what that is. We each have a space inside of us that remains pure and clear enough to know the difference between what is harmful and helpful, to the self and others. Support and reinforcement is needed to be strong enough to act on it, but we do know it in our hearts.
So - I don't make things happen, I don't change the narrative flow of life, but I hope to always stand in a place that enables others to more easily bring their full potential into reality, to see themselves at their best and enjoy that so much that they want to create and experience even more of it.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Mirth
There is nothing that a good laugh cannot improve. Laughing together is a bridge across worlds and cultures and languages and religions and philosophies. It is the solvent that dissolves all barriers.Heartfelt sentiment and deep sincerity make me think and make me feel, but it is always humor - always a wonderfully shared laugh - that makes me feel closest to another. I can always spot a true friend in the laughs we easily share.
Joy
I received a blesing when I was in India years ago, and it begins like this: "You are a special soul, one who always remains in joy." The blessing goes on quite a bit longer, and is incredibly precious to me. And I can see that that really is the foundation of what I understand to be most important ~ joy. It's a wonderful measuring stick against which to evaluate everything else. To ask: does this create joy, pure and powerful and whole?
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
A Third Way
All the things that I don't want to think or feel or admit have been thrown into a vault somewhere in my mind, and a strong heavy door has been shut upon them. And when they clamor around inside of me, making all sorts of noise, begging for attention, my response has been to install sound-proofing and tighter security. I have simply enhanced the fortress of protection between the me I'd like to be and all the other stuff inside threatening that.
But there's just not enough space left inside for all of these things. There's not enough space for the expansive dreams of a future perfect self and the reality of the present self, and the big vault of all the things I want to keep hidden. This morning it occurs to me that there is a third way.
That maybe I can sort through all the stuff I've been rejecting, and see if there isn't something there I really love and care about and want when I can stop being so afraid of it. And if there is, keep that stuff - own it and make it mine. And the old stuff I don't need anymore I can just discard. And the hopes and dreams and aspirations can maybe be paired with one of another of these hidden treasures, and I can actually live my way into that future built squarely on the present.
Time to bring some life and color and vibrancy to all of this...
But there's just not enough space left inside for all of these things. There's not enough space for the expansive dreams of a future perfect self and the reality of the present self, and the big vault of all the things I want to keep hidden. This morning it occurs to me that there is a third way.
That maybe I can sort through all the stuff I've been rejecting, and see if there isn't something there I really love and care about and want when I can stop being so afraid of it. And if there is, keep that stuff - own it and make it mine. And the old stuff I don't need anymore I can just discard. And the hopes and dreams and aspirations can maybe be paired with one of another of these hidden treasures, and I can actually live my way into that future built squarely on the present.
Time to bring some life and color and vibrancy to all of this...
I Found Jesus
I am the Office Manager at the corporate headquarters of a national company. We have about 100 people working here, and part of my job is just to pay attention to what's going on and making sure it's running smoothly. So, when I stop in the kitchen for coffee or water, I typically look around and make sure the supplies are stocked, etc.
So, I'm looking around, and notice something high above me on the top corner of one of the kitchen cabinets. And I get on my toes to look closer, and it's a little tiny plastic figuring of Jesus, perched atop the cabinet, looking down over the kitchen!!!! Here's a picture of him in all his plastic glory.
We have a really diverse office of many nationalities and religions, so religious iconography of any kind is out. I couldn't reach up to touch Jesus (as is the case for so many...), so I asked the tallest guy in our office. He is muslim, and refused on the grounds that he didn't really want to mess with a god, even one he doesn't believe in. No one wanted to mess with plastic Jesus. He's only about 4" tall (about 10cm), but apparently wields a lot of power, even in cheap plastic.
Anyway, I got Jesus down finally, and have been puzzled ever since by who put him there in the first place. I'm guessing it was someone on the cleaning staff, but just don't know. I was going to send a company-wide e-mail letting everyone know that I found Jesus in the lunchroom, and if they were looking for him, to contact me. I thought some folks might misunderstand though, and that I'd be inundated with invitations to bible studies and church, so I left it alone.
Now he's sitting on top of my radio at my desk, blessing paperwork. No one has ever asked me about him - either why he's at my desk, or that he's missing from the lunchroom.
But I guess it's true - you never know where or when you're going to find Jesus. He appears in the most ordinary places, in the most myserious ways, and sometimes all you can do is leave him on your radio and wonder.
So, I'm looking around, and notice something high above me on the top corner of one of the kitchen cabinets. And I get on my toes to look closer, and it's a little tiny plastic figuring of Jesus, perched atop the cabinet, looking down over the kitchen!!!! Here's a picture of him in all his plastic glory.
We have a really diverse office of many nationalities and religions, so religious iconography of any kind is out. I couldn't reach up to touch Jesus (as is the case for so many...), so I asked the tallest guy in our office. He is muslim, and refused on the grounds that he didn't really want to mess with a god, even one he doesn't believe in. No one wanted to mess with plastic Jesus. He's only about 4" tall (about 10cm), but apparently wields a lot of power, even in cheap plastic.
Anyway, I got Jesus down finally, and have been puzzled ever since by who put him there in the first place. I'm guessing it was someone on the cleaning staff, but just don't know. I was going to send a company-wide e-mail letting everyone know that I found Jesus in the lunchroom, and if they were looking for him, to contact me. I thought some folks might misunderstand though, and that I'd be inundated with invitations to bible studies and church, so I left it alone.
Now he's sitting on top of my radio at my desk, blessing paperwork. No one has ever asked me about him - either why he's at my desk, or that he's missing from the lunchroom.
But I guess it's true - you never know where or when you're going to find Jesus. He appears in the most ordinary places, in the most myserious ways, and sometimes all you can do is leave him on your radio and wonder.
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