Tuesday, July 11, 2006

A Third Way

All the things that I don't want to think or feel or admit have been thrown into a vault somewhere in my mind, and a strong heavy door has been shut upon them. And when they clamor around inside of me, making all sorts of noise, begging for attention, my response has been to install sound-proofing and tighter security. I have simply enhanced the fortress of protection between the me I'd like to be and all the other stuff inside threatening that.

But there's just not enough space left inside for all of these things. There's not enough space for the expansive dreams of a future perfect self and the reality of the present self, and the big vault of all the things I want to keep hidden. This morning it occurs to me that there is a third way.

That maybe I can sort through all the stuff I've been rejecting, and see if there isn't something there I really love and care about and want when I can stop being so afraid of it. And if there is, keep that stuff - own it and make it mine. And the old stuff I don't need anymore I can just discard. And the hopes and dreams and aspirations can maybe be paired with one of another of these hidden treasures, and I can actually live my way into that future built squarely on the present.

Time to bring some life and color and vibrancy to all of this...

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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You've been busy, C! I like what I'm seeing and reading here. I'll have to come back soon for more. This picture....I think I've seen it somewhere...