Monday, July 10, 2006


I have been funneling every bit of my emotional energy in one particular direction only, and it that has resulted in a system overload of biblical proportions. I have tried to stuff every bit of loving feeling and experience and expression into just one part of my life, and not so suprisingly, it doesn't fit.

I think I've done this before, and always with the same pretty disasterous results. And I feel so out-of-balance when I act this way, 'cause I am really out of balance when this happens. And this kind of emotional chaos is just the worst sort of yuckiness.

In astrology and tarot and these other ancient tools that human beings use to derive meaning, emotion is always symbolized by water. Imagine the consequences of forcing huge swirling volumes of water into one small conduit. First there is a back-up, and then an overflow, and then the entire drainage system collapses.

So in terms of emotion as water, the same thing happens when I try to force every feeling, every experinece into one aspect of my life. I get overwhelmed and overcome, and any natural ability that I have to accomodate myself in my own life stops working. There's all this emotion swirling around, and no outlet for it, and I start to feel like I'm drowning in myself. Which, you can imagine, creates a fair level of panic. And panic is not a place that co-exists with dignity or integrity or joy or peace or humor and any other kind of perspective you can imagine.

I'm not sure if this is a simple plumbing problem, metaphorically speaking. More emotion than outlet, that is. Or if this speaks to a pardigm shift being required on a much larger scale. I'm leaning toward the second very strongly, and will be sure to check in as this unfolds.

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