Monday, March 19, 2007
I have a very devotional nature, which for some reason I didn’t notice until just now. I guess it’s what motivated me to dedicate my life to G*d, and shows up in various ways in my closer relationships.
Devotion is deep love, commitment to some purpose, maybe the need to serve God and others. I think it got all smushed up, my love for G*d fueling my sense of commitment to being of service, which gave meaning to my life. ‘Cause I genuinely like to help, to make things better, to fix what’s broken, to bring order to chaos, to provide comfort. It makes me feel good – it makes me feel better.
I’m no kind of saint, and there’s plenty of helping to be done that I’m not the right person for. But since I was young and looking for the Truth, I knew that if I found it I would dedicate myself to it completely. Which I did, in my own way. But I’ve gotten sidetracked here and there, mixing up Truth with lots of other good stuff that wasn't Truth at all.
Spiritual devotion is one thing. Add in the more human and emotional aspects, and it begins to look different. But no matter what, I need some constructive outlet for that devotional nature. And now that I understand what it is a little better, I think I can finally do something useful with it that I enjoy.
at 3:55:00 PM