I'm Done

I’m done. I’m done being an archaeologist, a paleontologist, sorting through the past looking for meaning. I’ve searched through the recent past, the distant past and the ancient past, sifting through the shards and fragments, the dirt and dust of my own personal history, looking for hidden significance in each memory, each experience, each relationship.

I’ve found invaluable information. Clues and hints about who I am and why. I’ve discovered endless details about what has shaped me into who I am today. But the search through my past ends here. The endless excavation is over.

I’ve understood and explained and uncovered and discovered and investigated and explored everywhere I could think of. I’ve made sense of sorrow and confusion and chaos and tragedy. And it’s all meant something. Which I appreciate deeply and reverently.

But nothing means as much as the meaning I’m making in my life right now, right here, as it unfolds before me. Nothing in the past means more than the present, more than reality as it emerges from within me, taking shape in the real world in new experiences, new relationships and a new me.