Wednesday, March 14, 2007


I feel like I’ve finally gotten rid of an awful parasite. Tapeworms are disgusting intestinal parasites that attach themselves to their hosts, and then proceed to feed off them, diverting nutrients, and depleting energy reserves. Returning from my lovely, lovely, lovely vacation, I feel like I’m free of some energetic parasite that had been robbing me of emotional energy, stability and stamina. It has somehow been eradicated from my system, finding me now as its host inhospitable and incompatible with its endless need. Finally.

All that awful confusion, emptiness, neediness, etc., that has haunted me seems to have been left behind, maybe burned away by the hot Australian sun, or left in the baggage hold during my long journey. However, wherever it went, I don’t care. At least not for the moment. I'll figure that out later. I’m just glad it has left. I feel back to myself again, but a better self and a happier self, and maybe most importantly, a freer self. Finally.

That emotional parasite ate away at my confidence, self-esteem, humor, perspective, joy, understanding, love, generosity, acceptance of me and others. It kept me locked up in a claustrophobic little space of fear and insecurity, too tired and overwhelmed to free myself, and too confused to see my way out. But now it’s gone, cleared out of my system, leaving room for all the better stuff – the more real stuff. Finally.

I actually found myself singing “Zippity-Do-Da” on my walk to work today, and thought this must be the sound of joy; when your heart has a song in it and it just comes out of your mouth just for the sake of wanting expression. I’m so glad to have made it to this side of things. Finally.